First, I
would like to start this blog off with a disclaimer:
By, no means am I trying to imply that I have "arrived". To be honest, I am still
struggling with a couple of items on this list. But as I aim to do better, prayerfully I will also encourage my fellow sisters to do better.
My wonderful hubby and I have been married for over 19 years. We've seen our shares of ups and our shares of downs. We were both very young when we first married. There was so many things I didn't know as a young wife...small things that would eventually become annoying habits to my husband. If I would have known then what I know now.... I wouldn't change a thing...Why? You ask? Well because, God knew that I would eventually blog about my mistakes one day in efforts to help someone else...
So here is my list. Some of these things may seems mi'nute but sometimes it's the small things that make the biggest of difference. So here goes....
1.Wearing
your head wrap 24/7...
Ladies, if this is what your husband sees first thing in the morning and right before he goes to sleep at night...there's a problem. Remember when you used to keep yourself all "fixed up and purty" for him? We can be so hypocritical sometimes. We complain and say to our hubbies "You never take me out anymore. You don't romance me anymore" Well, can you see why? I'm not saying that we should be dressed up like a supermodel every time he comes home. After all, once the kids come, finding time to brush your teeth can become a
challenge. Give yourself at least thirty minutes to freshen up before he comes home. It doesn't take much. You'd be amazed at what a little lip gloss, brush of the hair and a welcome home smile can do.
2. Calling
yourself fat.
It's not uncommon for a woman to struggle with her body image. We always seem to findEnjoy the fact that there is a little more of you to love until you lose the weight. He doesn't mind. His love for you is through the thick and thin. So go on girl...Strut your stuff!
3. Looking
at your cell phone while he's talking.
Yeah...still working on this one. If you are like me, your mind never stops running. You use your phone for everything. You can check emails, make a Facebook post and write your shopping list while cooking dinner and doing the laundry. BOOM..... or more like SPLAT!
When he comes home..give him your undivided attention. He needs the same listening ear you had all those years ago when you first started dating. He needs to know you still care. He needs to see your eyes and know that you are listening.
4. Worrying
about other women.
There is nothing more irritating to a man than an insecure sister who thinks her husband is looking at every woman who walks by. I understand there are some women who have every reason to worry and in that case, you have some decisions to make. But for those of us who are blessed with faithful husbands. STOP IT!
Thank God for blessing you with a faithful husband and stop being so easily intimidated. There will always be other women who are prettier than you, skinnier than you and smarter than you but there will never be another you. You are the woman he loves. Don't you think it's time for you to start loving you? Maybe then you won't worry as much.
5.Taking
his strength for granted. Forgetting that he hurts too.
Men aren't as emotional as women. Most of them are conditioned to hold in their feelings and sometimes that results in them acted out in other ways. Just because he didn't say it hurt him doesn't mean it didn't. Pay attention to him. If he's not one to come right out and say it, his body language will. Sometimes we ladies think we can just say anything to our husbands and it won't phase them (especially in the heat of the moment). Male or female, words hurt. In this case I'll take it to the word, do unto others as you would have
them do unto you. Sometimes he needs a shoulder to lean on. Sometimes he gets discouraged. Sometimes he gets scared and sometimes he feels insufficient. Always remember to speak life into your husband. A wise woman will build UP her home. God made women givers of life so we must always remember to speak life into our families.
6.Comparing
him to other men, former boyfriends or your father.
If you don't want him comparing you to other women then don't you compare him to other men. Stop living in the past. "Johnny Roy" did it, not your husband. We all have painful memories from our past and if you find yourself still struggling with those fears then talk to him about it, pray to God about it and chose to let it go. You can never go forward in life if you are constantly looking back. Your next is now!
7.Talking while he's watching the game.
I know it's hard to come out of mommy mode when the hubby's home but do it anyway. My husband can be the biggest kid when he's with our children. I get so irritated when he and the kids decide to pillow fight with the same sofa cushions I just spent the last ten minutes fluffing. I am a strong willed person by nature so it's a struggle for me. Sometimes I sound like commando even when I don't mean to. It helps to be mindful of your tone and approach when addressing your husband. Talk to him in same manner you would like for him to talk to you.
9. Telling
everybody your business.
It's all about knowing your boundaries. There are some things that should remain private between a husband and his wife. I can't tell you how many couples we have counseled; each complaining of the other party constantly running to "momma nem", friends...
eh hem...the opposite sex to discuss issues in the home.
Everyone needs a confidante they can trust but not an entire community. I've come to learn that people who constantly tell other people their business is doing so because they are looking for someone to side with them or pity them. My question to them is always "So whatchamecallic said you were right. Now what?" The only way to resolve an issue is to work TOGETHER as a couple. Seek counsel if need be, but keep the majority out of your
business.
10. Telling him
no.
What is it about sex after marriage? You couldn't stop giving it up before you got married
but the moment sex became legal in the eyes of God, it loses it's savor. Yes, you've been with the kids all day. Yes, you've been at work all day. Yes, you've been cleaning all day and slaving over a hot stove. Yes, you are tired...but you know what...that's life. It comes with the territory. Been there done that. Unless you plan on waiting until your children are grown, you've retired and hired both a chef and a maid to resume a romantic relationship with your husband, something has got to give. Just like you find time to watch hours and hours of reality TV, trend on Facebook and talk on the phone, find time for your man...and then enjoy it. :)There is no such thing as the perfect husband or wife but our love for each other should be perfect. If you want change in your marriage then be the change you would like to see. It starts with you....
